Drop it like its hot

Not one prone to nerves during traveling – quite the contrary actually. However on both my previous experiences with BA, we have been delayed for light years to the extent that I required an arse transplant, and I have had pork smeared all over me. One waits with baited breathe, watching everything in slow motion as to what will happen next.

Will the trolley drop scolding coffee on my hair?
Seat a live pig next to me?
Feed me food with pubic hair in it?

Close enough, there was a hair follicle of sorts in my food. It wasn’t a curly wurly, but rest wasn;t assured as it was too small. One might think it could have been from the nasal origin… Done with dinner.

What’s more annoying? Sitting next to someone who laughs out loud to inflight entertainment, or someone who tries to steal a glance at your laptop screen whilst you are typing about him? There is a little chair separating my neighbor and me, so I shall refrain from launching into a scud missile attack on him. He is too far away from me to cause me annoyance.

Reginaspectives

I think I look llike a terrorist. I am frisked on average twice each time I pass through the airport. I don’t understand why we are made to queue for 2 - 4 hours in this ridiculous new Alcatraz security system. Then, as we board the plane, I am frisked and my stuff is searched again!

Lady in the illuminous security vest, do you really think I purchased plastic explosives from Dixons on my way through? Or perhaps I bought exploding cufflinks from Links? Whatever!

Perhaps it was my intimidating long flowing black luxuriously warm coat, which makes me look like the evil witch from Chronilces of Narnia? Yes quite possibly. This woman holds evil powers and must be frisked one more time incase she has a wand up her arse.

Whatever next, people will just randomly walk up to me and start frisking me. The only way to overcome this would be to walk around naked and it’s far too cold for nudity this time of year.

Ok one more thing, what are the curtains all about which separates cattle class from the business class? Do they think us peasants in cattle class are going to sit there and gawp at the business class people and beg for their leftovers? Btw, they get little table clothes on their stowaway tables! Gosh, well if they are paying a few thousand pounds more, I’d sure as hell expect a bit more than a table cloth.

Place to pass out

Today was scarey. I passed out on the tube. Actually, I passed out on the escalator whilst on my way out of the tube! Fortunately, 3 people caught me and brought me to safety without robbing me. One lady gave me her bottle of lucazade. People are so so kind.

Lessons learned; eat more, people on the tube ain’t as bad as they appear to be, and passing out on the tube is actually a good place to pass out, but make sure you do it during rush hour. Any other time, you will meet with tourisists, they will be useless as will be more inclined to take photos. Or students and drunks who will rob you.

Missing you

Having recently moved continents from a place bustling with party people, who’s only apparent existence was to get pissed. A place where the sun shines 364 days of the year. Regular regina attire consisted of sunglasses and sandals. To a place where I wear frumpy jumpers and FMB’s, carry my brolly everyday, and getting a seat on the train is just the best thing ever!

My friends are so far away! They are scattered all over the bluddy world! It’s all good having a floor to lie on when you visit them, but where is that shoulder when you need it?

To all my nearest and dearest friends, I miss you enormously!

The longest queue in the world

And the winner is; Heathrow Terminal 4! Congratulations, you made the discerning travelers queue for up to 4 hours just to get through security! Bravo! And can you imagine, if they had spent the 4 hours in the departure/ duty free lounge. How much money did you loose out on exactly? I for one had a couple of unnecessary purchases I was going to make, but of course didn’t have time after queuing for 12 squllion kagillion hours.

Annoyingly, I had these excitable holidaymakers behind me. Annoyingly annoyingly, one of them was bragging about her general knowledge of dubai! And this information was not even first hand, but acquired from a friend of a friend who lives out there. She had a pretty good audience though, as they were well impressed with her general knowledge of the wonderful, wow’esque Palm Island. By then I’d had enough and plugged myself in.

Embarrassingly fortunate for me, I was pulled out of the queue early to test out this new x-ray machine. I was picked out, as I was one of the very few solo travelers. Anyhoo, I was happy as it meant 30 minutes less queuing! However I did have to stand in rather silly and embarrassing positions as though I was doing an aerobics workout.

Be my valentine?

For single people, valentines day can be a bit minging, especially when you work in an office being the only singlite where days before, you can hear them on the phone making reservations for dinner with their partners.

Fortunately, I woke up to go eat my complimentary breakfast in a godawful room, which was pukily decorated with pink and red balloons! And there was me thinking that being all the way in Jakarta would aid to escape the pitfalls of the commercially pukey day!

Of course I would not be thinking the same if I had a significant other. Yes I would indulge in roses and all things nice.

Anyways, the day was spent riding on a bus, dodging in and out of taxis, eating in a sushi restaurant was also clumsily and tastelessly decorated in puke and glory.

It ended however rather nicely. No I did not pull the object of my dreams, but I was quite pleased that my company had booked me into an above standard hotel, with glorious views of the skyline Kuala Lumpur has to offer.

I filled the bath, ordered some bubbly whilst soaking in the tub and fell asleep.

Puh! Who needs a valentine?! Well there’s always next year.

18 hours on my arse

Ever tried sitting on your arse for 18 hours, confined and imprisoned in the same briefly recline-able seat for 18 hours with an ipod battery of supposedly 10 hours, but actually only 5 hours provided you do not fiddle with the buttons?

Been there, done that and got the bum sores!

It gets better though. Hows about being sat next to a row of 3 screaming babies, and guy to the left who’s one of those arseholes on the plane who laughs out loud whilst watching inflight entertainment. Also, the stick insect behind me kicking my seat.

The most infuriation thing was, 5 hours of the 18 was a delay in the flight, which meant 5 hours less of eating chillie crabs and sunning in the Singapore glory!

sleeping

i've never been able to sleep on an aeroplane unless i lay across all four seats. Neither have i been able to sleep on a train, or anywhere which requires sitting up. I have no trouble sleeping - once i slept next to a speaker in the Ministry of Sound.

Recently however, I have realised I have acquired the ability to sleep sitting up and i am so thrilled! Not good if you talk in your sleep tho...i will say no more - sigh.