Seriously?

Questions on US immigration card, followed by answers I would like to have submitted!

Do you have communicable disease; physical or mental?

Well my therapist says i'm speschul - does that count?

Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime, or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?

Yes i was arrested for shop lifting sweets when I was 4 and a half and am seeking to gain entry to shop lift sweets from candy stores along the west coast. I will also open a lesbian prostitute brothel.

Have you ever been or are you involved in espionage or sabotage or terrorist activities or genocide between 1933-1945, and involved in anyway in persecutions associated with nazi germany?

No, I was not born then but I know someone who was. In fact they helped me pack my suitcases whilst i left it unattended and they put sharp objects in my hand luggage.

Have you ever detained or retained or witheld custody of a child from US citizens granted custody of the child?

Course not, I hate kids and they should be locked up at the back of the aeroplane.

Have you ever asserted immunity from persecution?

Yes, I have claimed immaculate conception with Bush being my bastard son.