Anger management

That's it, I need anger management. Who'd a thunk...lil ol' me who wouldn't say boo to a shadow!

I have boycotted two sandwich joints near the office for gross misconduct. The first one was handling slimey pork sausages and then proceeded to make my toast with those same pork slimed hands. (I don’t eat pork, I prefer to have it smeared all over my clothes whilst traveling on BA!). In my utter disgust, I just walked out of the sandwich shop.

Second occasion, I asked for my usual toast with butter and a little dab of honey. I return to the office and sat at my desk to eat what looks like toast swimming in honey! I promptly return the soaked toast back to the guy who made it explaining;

“if you recall, I asked for a LITTLE bit of honey”. His response was “I did put a little”. I just asked for my money back.

Today, I was on the phone to a client who informed me that they decided to go with a competitor instead of us. I completely lost it on the phone! Well not completely, I just proceeded to explain what a huge mistake they were making… not good, in fact I am completely disgusted at myself for the aggressive approach! What has happened to me?!

Admittedly, the company I work for is known for its highly aggressive approach. Last week I was actually encouraged to use reverse psychology and instill fear in a client, push them to the edge and see what happens. Also, I just got off the phone to the client and my boss asked me to call them right back and get them to send the order form within the next few hours.

I mean come on.. would waiting a day or two kill anyone?!

I am now a walking pressure cooker about to explode. It’s a culmination of things, so I don’t just blame Dubai, but Dubai certainly has brought my temper to the forefront. Mental note…bring this up next time I see my therapist!

Good other news – had a second interview somewhere and I completely ballsed it up by being far too enthusiastic! I was joking with a friend of mine saying that I might have a drink before my interview to calm my nerves, as when I was doing the rounds when I first moved over here, my nerves let me down in interviews.

This time, I think I did a bit of over kill and even asked the interviewee if I could have a stick chewing gum! *slaps forehead* what was i thinking?! Well in my defence, he pulled out a stick of gum during the interview, so i asked for one explaining i swallowed mine before i came in.

Oh well, guess I will just have to continue threatening clients to advertise whilst something else comes my way…D"OH!!!

Deluded and Deranged

Rebound: pull through, recuperate, convalesce, ricochet, spring back…

Why oh why do people go for rebounds? I think it’s when a heart so desires to be with someone, the feeling of rejection from their previous heart’s desire is so immense; they need to be with someone to pull through, to fill that void.

We all know this is a mistake. Instead of taking time to work through the pain and growing as an individual, they are supplementing it. They have essentially lost all the intricate, magic complexions that make them an interesting individual. They are deluded and deranged.

Additionally, so are the people who desperately want to be in a relationship – now I’m talking about the people who are serial relationshippers (SR). I’m not sure if that’s the correct term for it, but I mean people who jump from one relationship to another, more often than not, each relationship cross over each other. They make sure they have a back up before breaking up because they cannot handle being on their own.

So desperate to be with someone, they are unsure what they are looking for, for they have always been in a relationship, so haven’t taken the time to develop themselves. Resulting in creating an incredibly co-dependant creature. They also tend to project their ideals on each person they are with; magnifying it, so initially they are floating in an ideal bubble, the person is perfect, nothing they don’t like about them and tell the other person all the things they want to hear.

All the ideals they are made to believe when growing up are projected onto the new encounter, be it material or conjured up in their minds. As the fog settles, the SR slowly realizes that this is not what they are looking for. Their eyes and bodies wander and before you know it, they are in another relationship.

Now I’m no expert by any standards, but perhaps both parties need to take time out and look within themselves. Re-create themselves, some me time. In this way, not only do they rediscover who they are as an individual, but also it gives them the time to think about what they want. Others who are mere objects/ subjects in the set up are saved from being used as a pawn in the ego trip of both the SR and rebounder.

A lesson learned

God has a stinky sense of humour, he really has.

Have you ever had the feeling where certain things or scenarios keep repeating themselves in your life and you get that realization; “damn I can’t believe I am in this space AGAIN!” And it pisses you off?! Have you ever wondered why that happens?

I’ve had that happen in different areas of my life. I am aware it happens and used to think to myself “yeah this always happens to me” and get on with it and treat it the way I usually do.

However, recently I’ve come to realize that the only reasons they keep re-presenting themselves is because we haven’t endured the lesson, but rather side stepped it. We haven’t confronted or worked through it, but run away from it, which is why it keeps reoccurring. When we work through it, work with it and learn the lesson, only then does it stop showing it’s ugly head. (no shit Sherlock! I know, it’s simply obvious).

So now when certain things happen, I handle them differently to the way I used to (obviously).

This came to me today, as it’s quite a poignant day for me. Well yesterday more so, as it was 4 years ago I left the UK and moved to Dobuy. And today is poignant as it was the day I arrived in my new life.

So yesterday and today my thoughts were about how God has a stinky sense of humor as I am in the same space, and with this I don’t mean physical space, as I was when I left 4 years ago. As I understand why, I am trying to laugh about it as opposed to let it get me down. I will work my way through it, learn the lessons, grow stronger and I know it will not happen again.

All part of life’s rich tapestry I guess. Sorry random waffle about stuff you already know.

All good, or is it?

Friend’s are so important to me, they really are - friends are the family you choose.

I’ve recently had the unfortunate experience of drifting apart from a close friend whom I shared many good times with in my first year in Dobay. Finally, well over 1 year ago I decided to cut her out of my life due to incredibly immature, insecure and off behavior.

She is the sort of person who jumps from one friend to another, then go back. She would befriend someone, then start bitching them behind their back and then go back to being their friend a few months later.

Friends of mine who knew her would joke, “so who is her flavor of the month”. Basically the sort of person who couldn’t commit. Ironically, her love life completely mirrors this behavior – she was a serial dater, from one to another with a new flavor every few months and just walking away before things got to heavy for fear of getting hurt. And she felt it was never her fault, it was always other people. With this attitude, nothing will change.

Being an incredibly loyal person (possibly my biggest downfall!), I tried everything I could to keep the friendship going, but she kept walking away. I tried to talk about what it was that had made this happen. She didn’t want to know and just wanted to brush it under the carpet and played jealous childish, powerfreak mindgames. So I gave up. Admittedly, her insecure behaviour and head in the cloud attitude made it very difficult to be in her company, but this increased as the distance became greater.

Both her sisters wanted me to try and make amends, talk to her and sort it out. I tried, but at the end of the day, it’s a two-way conversation. She was too immature to own anything and just needed therapy basically!

Two months after I left Dobuy, I was listening to the radio and heard a song which reminded me of the times we used to party. I picked up my phone and sent her a text saying something along the lines of; it’s a shame we have drifted apart, lets talk and sort it out.

She just carried on like everything was normal and there was no issue and we reminisced a bit. We occasionally email now, but I know we will never have the friendship we had unless she takes responsibility. It is quite an Asian trait to just brush things under the carpet and act like everything is normal, say everything is ok, but it’s not. End of the day, I am now only talking to her as I am friends with her sisters, otherwise I just don’t have time for people like this in my life.

I don’t like fake friendships at all. If I feel there is something wrong and there obviously is something wrong and they are not willing to talk and sort it out, then it’s not worth it for me. I've got too much to do and been through a lot to put up with BS from people who call them your friends. I'm not going to run after people anymore who have their issues and just constantly shit on you.

I'm a firm believer in; you get out what you put it or you reap what you sow. But I guess this isn't always the case? Or is it?

Inconsistency with closest friends and ourselves are one of the greatest faults of human nature.

Bitch about work for a mo..

I haven't really had a good bitch about work, so allow me for a moment.

Arselicker boy is back next week after having been away this week on work travels. This chap has awful delusions of grandeur with a generous dose of "thinkheesmyboss" illness. Seriously he does. He keeps telling me what to do and giving me advice in a loud voice just so my boss can hear – 11 times out of 10 I’m already aware of it. He does jack shit all day and when my boss wants something done, he will drop everything and do it. No hang on, he doesn't drop anything, because he's not doing anything!

The butthole also calls my clients and scraps around for any big bits of business I might have cooking.

Admittedly I have kinda been letting him get away with it by not saying anything, but i've decided to put my big foot down and start having a bit of fun with him.

Yesterday he sent me an email and it begun with "Please don't feel pressured by this email, but...." and preceded by telling me what to do - what a cock! I replied and cc'd my boss and my other colleague basically saying; cheers, run along and stop telling me what to do!

One could argue that perhaps I should not have involved the others, but I just wanted to make them aware, as I will now be taking out my claws and giving him a little bit of hell. Otherwise, being the snake that he is, he will just make out that I am non – co-operative and causing trouble.

He is also the biggest eavesdropper in the history of all mankind! Even when he is conversing with someone, he still has one ear on my phone conversation. He then starts intruding on my clients and finding ways of trying to muscle his way in on them. It's beginning to bug the hell out of me!

Me needs to think of a cunning plan and any suggestions are most welcome. He’s a bit thick and dopey, his arselicking is so obvious, it’s actually quite comical!

Step up

Can you believe it's May already? I've been back 6 months now and haven't achieved half the things i wanted to. Have to say, getting back into the London grind has been more testing than one anticiapted, but it's all good and challenging in the hood.

In Dobuy I had a lovely fully furnished flat with all my things in their rightful place. A cute likkle car to run around in which helped the social life, my regular little hangouts; shisha cafe's, place to eat cod n mash, brunching venue's, sittin on a wall to watch the sunset kinda places, regular night type venue to go shake foot a little, and more importantly; a handful of good friends I could go chill with and solve the world's problems.

So all of that has gone and I've decided to take decisive action, step up a few notches in my gears (oh, still haven't purchased a car), taking aim and gonna get a move on. What am i waiting for? Yalla habibi init?!

Somethings however remain the same. I still seem to get caught up between rock and hard places at work. Gaining trust from colleagues is great and flattering, but not when everyone wants to go out for a ciggie with you to bitch about others. I have to remain neutral, tight lipped and laugh in all the right places.

Today i was asked out for coffee by the office outcast. She is misunderstood. She spent the first 15 minutes bitchin about our colleague - she tends to spend most of her time doing this. I had to stop her as she was incredibly frustrated and working herself up into a little tiz. I just highlighted that she'd just completely wasted 15 minutes of her life, which she will never see again, complaining about this guy. I asked her a few questions and got her to talk about herself, then all of a sudden, her body language changed and she was quite joyful.

Life is too short, don't sweat the small stuff as that is all your life will become.